“There was a phase where I would hate to rap. I was like, ‘This isn’t me, like, this isn’t the journey that I envisioned in my head.’

Blackpink’s Jennie joined Dua Lipa on her podcast At Your Service, and the two musicians had a very candid discussion about identity—culturally, and as musicians. The K-pop singer and actress made some first-time confessions during the podcast, including that, at one point, she struggled with being pigeonholed into rapping as a Korean idol trainee because she was a fluent English speaker.

“After our debut, we did like six songs where I would just rap, like, seriously rap,” she recalled. “And along the way, I kind of got confused. Because the more I did singing and music, I came to realize that there’s a big side of me inside that I love to sing and just play with my vocals. But I actually never had the chance to really explore that as a trainee, because I got told that I should be a rapper, you know? So there was a phase where I would hate to rap. Like, I was like, This isn’t me, like, this isn’t the journey that I envisioned in my head. Like, I don’t think I’m a rapper. So there was definitely a burnout season.” Jennie shared that she eventually overcame it and has been able to appreciate that side of her, but it was a journey.

Here, other highlights from the podcast:

On maintaining her own identity during her trainee days

“I’ve actually never really broken down how I did it, but the people who knew the importance of keeping their own identity and character within the training system are the people that are in the group right now, like, a lot of people got lost on the way because we were so focused to satisfy the people that we were working with, when we weren’t sure who we were doing it for and how it can identify us in the future. Because it’s literally years of training. It’s not just a couple of hours. So you get really drawn into into the lifestyle that they put us in. And I think the girls and I were…I don’t know if it is, is it too controversial to say? I don’t know. I’m like, okay, yeah. [The] girls and I try to find our own voice and character. Whilst we had like, 30 other people training with us, and I guess our labels saw us trying and saw something really, really special.”

On being pegged as a rapper early on

“Actually, I’ve never really said this anywhere, but I’ve wanted to, and it’s something to do with me rapping. Okay, so, like you said, I’ve gotten into the whole idea of rapping because of the language [English] that I was working with. And that’s how I started. And back when I was a trainee [being assigned rap parts], I thought, like, this is what I was supposed to do. And I got so into it. And by the time that we debut, in my head, I’m thinking I’m a rapper. Like, in my head, I’m gonna go out there and rap my ass [off]. But the strange part was, like how you said before about finding your identity, like as a training tool. So after our debut, we did like six songs where I would just rap, like, seriously rap. And along the way, I kind of got confused.”

“Because the more I did singing and music, I came to realize that there’s a big side of me inside that I love to sing and just play with my vocals. But I actually never had the chance to really explore that as a trainee, because I got told that I should be a rapper, you know? So there was a phase where I would hate to rap. Like, I was like, This isn’t me, like, this isn’t the journey that I envisioned in my head. Like, I don’t think I’m a rapper. So there was definitely a burnout season. There was a moment. Yeah, one moment where I was denying myself just because of the idea that I didn’t pick this path that somebody else has picked for me.”

“And then after taking some time off of work, and listening to music in general, I then actually looked back to the videos that I performed…to like actually see myself enjoying my rapping on stage, and that’s the moment where I accepted the fact that is a part of me, but there was a new side of me that hasn’t been found within me I have discovered so yeah, right now I guess I am lucky enough to have a choice to be a crazy rapper and also sing whenever I want to so, yeah, I would like to say it’s a switch inside that just comes out. I mean I’m honestly I’m surprised at myself when I rewatch some of this stuff that I did live like, whoa.”

On feeling more empowered to share her true self

“Starting my career in Korea as a K-pop artist has restricted so many sides of me where it wasn’t just allowed to be shown because I’m a K-pop idol. And I was scared, I think also to express myself. And as things grew over time, I was able to express myself, and people would see it as breaking the boundaries rather than ‘she’s doing something that she’s not allowed to do’ and being able to open a new chapter for people that are starting in the business in Korea. That’s when I realized I want to do that, I want to break more boundaries for people in my culture to understand that expressing yourself however you want, there shouldn’t be a standard. There shouldn’t be a way to judge…there shouldn’t be a reason to judge and just see it as, ‘oh, that’s how that person expresses themselves.’”

“So I think the song ‘Tally’ was I think one of the first songs that we actually say, the F-word for us, I think. And at first when I started performing the song, I couldn’t even say it out loud. I was like, oh, like kind of like move away from the mic. Oh, like, what do people think this is like? Not right, you know? And then more fans were loving the song and I was connecting with with Blinks [Blackpink’s fan base], like while I was on stage when I was singing that song. They were like, yeah, do your thing. And they were the ones who gave me my confidence and support to really enjoy the song.”

On the one thing people misunderstand about her

“Over the pandemic, and even up to right now, I’ve learned to take care of my body. And I’ve learned a lot about myself with my health and how my muscles work, how bendy I am with my arms with my legs, in every details that I’ve spent time. And it all started because I would constantly hurt myself during performances and lives compared to other girls. And it was just a stressful thing in my life. I’m like, there we go, I fell again, like I tripped over again. And like I realized that even though I had the training days that was more about [how] I need to be good at dancing, not how do I keep myself safe and healthy while I’m, you know, doing this? So I feel like I’ve just disappointed my fans at some point of my life where it seemed like I wasn’t giving my best.”

“But I haven’t had the moment to say this. But I want to say that I did not know how to control my body. And like use my body the way I should. And something like I just don’t do well is heels. You know, some people are amazing in heels, but me being like, one of the shortest girl in the group—I cannot work with heels, my feet aren’t built for them. Even though I try and, you know, sometimes when I’m feeling perfectly fine, like when my body is good to explain. But yeah, when I’m traveling so much, and my body’s so bloated and my feet are like so bloated, I just…if I try to dance in heels, just my stamina goes really down because I know it’s uncomfortable for me. So yeah, stuff like that I wanted to come clean. But I wanted to share with my fans that I’m still at a point where I’m learning about myself. If anything, so yeah, let me be the person to share me from now on.”

On who she is outside of Blackpink

“I think honestly, I’m a nerd. Is that bad to say? Like, no, I truly believe I’m a nerd, like, I love learning new things. And like, experimenting new things. When I’m off work, I would randomly go to a pottery class or go to learn French, like, I just constantly like to throw myself under, like this new environment, maybe because of how I grew up. But I just love to see myself adjusting to the environment that I put myself in.”